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Say This (Not This) When Experiencing Conflict With Your Spouse

marriage counselorWhile arguing with your partner, it can be difficult to pause and get some perspective. But doing so will help you realize that conflict resolution is all about language. Misunderstandings might be causing more problems than you realize, so take the time to honestly look at your language. While a marriage counselor will give you more techniques for resolving these conflicts, you can use the following phrases today to really boost your communication.

Instead of saying... "This just isn't working."

...say this instead: "This is the problem I am seeing..."

Rather than dismissing your partner's concerns or the problem in general, be more analytical about it. Voice your interpretation of the larger picture to your partner and have a discussion about strategies. For example, the problem may be that you are simply not listening to each other. So, say that instead of shutting down every time your partner interrupts you.

Instead of saying... "You're being irrational."

...say this instead: "I hear what you are saying, and I would love more of an explanation." 

What we deem as irrational may just be emotionally inflamed or simply different from your own opinion. By asking your partner to slow down and explain the issue more clearly, you are also asking them to slow down to understand their own words more. And you can then do the same. 

Instead of saying... "You always need to get your way!"

...say this instead: "Let's try to compromise."

Large generalizations about their behavior and your relationship are usually not productive. Rather, take a step back and find a bit of empathy. You may just need to compromise more on both ends. By recognizing this, you and your partner can both do wonders for your mental health. 

While taking initiative to improve communication is key to a healthy relationship, you and your love may consider seeing a relationship counselor or marriage counselor. Couples counseling is highly effective, as it gives you specific tools to resolve conflicts. In fact, a recent survey revealed that 93% of patients who underwent marriage and family therapy said that they had better tools for dealing with problems. The best therapists will compassionately guide you though this difficult time, helping you become a stronger couple as a result.